Impressions

Making a good impression is always a good thing to do when meeting someone new (obviously). From my many, many (embarrassing) years of watching "The Bachelor", I have learned that if you don't make the right impression, then it could be disasterous. For instance, a girl once completely got wasted and gave the bachelor a lap dance. She was sent home that night. Now, here are a few of my tips on good impressions: 1.) Eye Contact- too much eye contact comes off as you're trying to sexually seduce them using your intense starring; 2.) If handshaking is involved, a nice, firm handshake is in order- By this, I mean you want to establish you're the alpha-male so that the other lions will back off and let you be with your dead antelope carcass; 3.) If going on a date, try to avoid alcohol- Alcohol usually can make one spill their secrets if the right questions are asked with the right amount of the toxic drink (I mean, you don't want to tell them about that time you were babysitting a little boy and accidentally smacked his head on a shelf and didn't tell anyone, do you? (for the record, he was all good)); And 4.) Figure out whether the person wants a handshake or a hug- You don't want to go in for a hug and be rejected with a cold handshake do you? And also on this note, if you are hugging, trying to avoid the awkward, long hug because it's uncomfortable for the both of you and you know it. And again, to leave on a positive note, here is a picture of me doing my best Robert De Niro impression while on a ride at disneyland.